Preparing my Heart at Women of Faith

As I prepare for the coming Women of Faith conference in Kansas City, I have been thinking about some of my prior experiences with the ladies on the porch.

My first Women of Faith experience was in 2001.  Several ladies from my church were going to Women of Faith in Anaheim, CA and they invited me to go with them.  We didn’t really have the money to attend, but my husband and I saved for the expense.  We were new in the area and felt would be good for me to make some friends at our new church home.  Besides that, it sounded like a fun break from my day-to-day life of mom, wife and church secretary.  On a sunny Friday afternoon, I left our 1-year-old daughter with my grandma and headed out in the van full of laughter and soon-to-be memories.  Little did I know that these women planned to bless me with my ticket and hotel expenses or that these would become true sisters in Christ.  The weekend started with a fabulous dinner in an Anaheim restaurant packed with women and more laughter.

From there we went to the conference. It was unlike anything I had ever attended. The music lifted my spirits and the speakers inspired me.  We laughed and cried ever more than in the van on the way there!  Each woman spoke from her heart and touched me in an unexpected way.  The sincerity filled the enormous room and reached me all the way in the top row.  Like Thelma, I grew up with my Grandma.  I dreamt of traveling the world with Luci.  Sheila’s stories of motherhood seemed so much like what I anticipated with my daughter.  My heart went out to Barbara who was unable to attend due to her illness.  Marilyn let me know that it was ok to be a Christian with a slightly sarcastic sense of humor.  Nicole knew my deepest thoughts, from standing alongside my mother-in-law during her fight with breast cancer several years earlier to wearing multiple hats every day.  I went home with new friends and a renewed energy unlike anything I had felt in a long time. This was something I planned to attend over and over again.

What happened that weekend prepared my faith for a sudden change that would forever change the world.  The following Tuesday was September 11, 2001.  I turned on the television as my husband prepared for work and watched the World Trade Center crumble to the ground.  I stood in disbelief as my husband entered the room and hugged me.  Together we stood dumbfounded at the horror taking place.  I quickly dressed, gathered my things and headed to work with my Bible in hand.  Throughout the day, many people visited and called the church.  No one knew quite what to say or do, except to pray.  My weekend at the Women of Faith conference seemed like it had taken place a lifetime ago, but the results were still there.  My faith did not waver in the following days.  In fact, it continued to grow as I searched the scriptures and sang hymns. 

Attending the Women of Faith conference that year wasn’t a life-changing experience in itself.  It did, however, prepare my heart for many life-changing experiences.  I am so thankful for the people and events that God puts in our paths to prepare us for our future.  While I haven’t attended every Women of Faith conference since then, it has a dear place in my heart and I would encourage any women to attend.

Visas, Court Dates and Christmas...Oh My!

There is so much to say about our adoption process...so much that I can barely wrap my head around everything!  I decided it would be best to simply update our status and get to the rest another time.  On the American side, we are waiting for the I600A to come back.  This is the preliminary application for the visa.  As part of this application, we must be fingerprinted again and all of our documentation up to now will be reviewed.  I'm not so sure how long this takes, but we have friends who are about a week ahead of us in this process so we watch them closely to know what's coming next.  On the Taiwan side, we just received a court date.  It isn't until December 2nd, which is later than we hoped.  Apparently a home study must be done on our son and his birth mother, which takes 45 days.  Our attorney is working to get this portion of the process hurried, but we don't know know if this will happen.  If the court date is December 2nd, we can loosely plan to bring home our son in early January, a month sooner than we had been told at the beginning of the process.

As much as we would like to have our son home for Christmas, January is good too.  Our calendar is packed through 2011 and there would be some serious logistical issues if we go to Taiwan before January (though we would joyfully make it work).  January will be a calmer time when we can devote more attention to a new family member and help him to adjust to our way of life.  From what I am told by several people (including my husband and daughter), our son is shy and slow to warm to new things.  Christmas in our home would quite possibly overwhelm him, though we have already made plans for a simpler celebration this year.  Chinese New Year is in January and that would be fun for all of us to celebrate together every year as a remembrance of our new son coming to our home.  As with the rest of the process, it will all happen in God's perfect timing.  Until then, we will be preparing our home for the arrival of a little boy.

Pricey Paper

The number of documents requested when doing an international adoption is amazing!  For our home study, we had to submit local background checks, birth certificates for all of our children, our marriage license, employer references, personal references, medical statements from our doctor, and financial statements.

Now the Taiwan court wants everything above, plus the adoption agreement, a copy of the Missouri adoption law, and copies of our passports.  To submit these documents, we have to jump through a series of hoops.

1. Collect all forms/documents (obviously).
2. Have the signature notarized.  If there is no signature to notarize, the notary must sign an affidavit verifying that the document is an original or exact copy of the original.  If there is a signature on the document, the person who signed the original document must also sign the affidavit. If the document is an official document from the county or state, you can skip this step.
3. Take all documents and affidavits to the Secretary of State.  They will authenticate the notary and attach a document with the state seal on the document.  Some states offer a discounted price for multiple documents authenticated at once.  We have moved a few times, so we had to mail one birth certificate to Kansas ($7.50 plus the cost of postage) and our marriage license and two other birth certificates to California ($20 per document plus postage).  Everything else can be done in Missouri ($10 per document with a maximum of $100).
4. Take all documents to the Taiwan Embassy (TECO) to be TECO stamped.  They charge per $15 per document, per translation.
5. Mail documents to attorney in Taiwan to be submitted to court.

That's some pricey paper!

Home Study

So much changes through the adoption process that it makes my head spin!  One day I think I have it all figured out and then the next day everything is different than what I thought.  One almost-constant aspect was the home study.  The big change was that we do not need to complete it for Taiwan as originally expected.  I'm not exactly sure why we don't need it, but I'm told it has something to do with our little boy's age.  In any case, I wasn't really sure what to expect and I would like to share our experience to help those behind us in the process.

We chose a social worker based on the recommendation of friends.  She has done several home studies for other church members and they went well, so we decided that she would meet our needs.  After contacting her, she emailed the following forms to complete:

• Employment References
• Educational References (which we didn't need because our kids are homeschooled)
• Medical Evaluations (for every member of the home)
• Income/Expense/Financial Worksheets
• An autobiography written by each of us addressing our upbringing, hobbies, lifestyle, etc.

In addition, we had to provide the following documents:

• Marriage Certificate
• Birth Certificates for every child currently in the home
• Criminal Record (fingerprinting by local law enforcement)
• Last 3 pay stubs from each of us

During the interview, she asked many questions.  She asked about our parenting styles, our marriage and relationship, how we handle disagreements, and how we would handle any special needs our child may have.  She then asked each of the girls about themselves and what they thought of us adopting.  After that, the social worker took a quick walk around the house and asked how we will accommodate our new family member.  She spent about 1 1/2 hours at the house and then asked us to complete a form for a child abuse background check.  With that complete, she left and let me know that we would hear back from her in a couple of weeks.

I was very relieved to have that part out of the way.

Moving Forward Inch By Inch

Well, our autobiographies weren't written as fast as we would have liked, but they are now complete.  Also, two of the five references are in the mail.  Today, two more items were added to our checklist.  We need to get a Power of Attorney for our lawyer in Taiwan and physicals for everyone in our family.  The good news is that two of our five family members already had appointments for annual check ups, one of which is tomorrow.  I am so grateful for our friends who are about five steps ahead of us in this process.  They have helped greatly in guiding and encouraging us along. 

Welcome Home Daddy

Our daddy and biggest sister arrived home at 1 am this morning from Taiwan.  They brought small gifts home for the rest of us which they gave us before we all went to bed.  They weren't tired as it was 2 m in Taiwan, but the rest of us needed sleep so we all went to bed.  This morning we looked at some of their pictures before heading to an office to be fingerprinted.  This is the first of two times we will be fingerprinted.  We also looked through some pictures of our little boy as a baby which his mother sent home with my husband.  Tonight we will be working on requesting references from a few friends and writing our autobiographies, all for the home study.  No time for jet lag, there's a boy to bring home!

What's in a Name?

Because of some events in our lives, we had a girl's name chosen before we were even married. During my first pregnancy, we never had an ultrasound, so knowing the baby's gender wasn't an option. We struggled with coming up with a boy's name and ended up deciding that the baby would be a junior if it was a boy.  Well, it was a girl.  With my second pregnancy, we had ultrasounds but chose not to know the baby's gender.  Again, we easily came up with a girl's name but no boy's name.  Our daughter is as lovely as her name.  With my third pregnancy, we were told throughout the pregnancy that it was a boy but we never settled on a name that we loved.  That was OK because it was another girl (the doctor admitted he may have been incorrect about a month before she was born). 

When we contemplated adopting our little boy, we went back and forth about changing his name.  We learned that what we thought was his name is, in fact, only a nickname.  His Chinese name sort of translates into a very common American name, but he doesn't go by either name.  He is only known by his nickname.  Although his American name isn't a top choice for my husband or myself, we decided to use his American name as his first name and his nickname as his middle name.  We chose this for a couple of reasons.  We wanted him to have an American name to represent his new home, but a Chinese name to retain his culture.  We also wanted him to feel connected to his old life but have an option when he is older.  By giving him the American derivative of his real name and the nickname he has always known, we are addressing all of these desires.  Of course, now we are second-guessing that choice.  Ahhh...how long do we have to decide? I'm afraid it won't be long enough!